i remember how many i've let down
they hang on, i still hang on
to this wretched town.
-e.r.

2-11-07
i cant see the beauty in love
i cant see why you stay with me.
beauty is a reality
whats so wrong with wanting to be
everything everybody likes.
i dont want vanity,
i just want you to think
i'm beautiful. we're beautiful.
-----
i wont forget you and what you tried to do, but the frustration proves true you are just better off remembered. i sometimes remember a love you claimed you obtained, and i smile at your good intentions, but the frustration proves true you are just better off remembered. you said all you had to say, now let it sink in like my ship i sailed with no crew. stubborn as the course my ship set out, but the frustration proves true, you are just better off remembered.
-----
the same thing that killed me is bringing me back to life, and soon i'll be breathing air again. you're amazed by a bicycle two tired to ride home, but love i'll never be too tired to ride to you.
if i ever die will i be another Emily D or are my writings just what i perceive them as, mediocre. or will my many books of words be found, just tossed away perhaps like yesterdays paper. sometimes i write just to fill up the pages, fill up my time, fill up on gas to keep me fueled off of disoriented letters stuck in my veins wanting to sung, to be ink, to be a waltz of my pen like pietro crespi and an ability to love completely because i dont want to die alone. let me down gently, when the words come to get me. Girl interrupted by a psychotic disorder that may have been there or may have been placed there for an excuse to her attempt to try to escape this lucky, but she's brave for she tried. Jamie named Susanna sat and wrote in her journal the sky being the limit, and she was cured just by speaking instead of holding it all in. but either way it was there, so does it really matter if its our or not, the necessity to be known and processed by other people is a social norm, but what about those that cant or dont express in words just tears, blood, or sad songs they only sing to themselves. to appreciate the art of thoughts written in a journal given to her by her father who cries when he hears her songs or smiles when he knows im happy. how can a simple pronoun throw of a whole thought process of one song... a bestfriend shares her secrets that hold dearly. i hold her above all in my life though we've been torn apart. my Cleopatra of fun, but i hold on with all i am because i'll be damned if i let another one go. she was sent to prove that im not worthless and dont move on so easily, though the latter statement could never be proved true because two years go by and thoughts of the bestfriend that knew everything of me still float through my head. im working on this new one, that i know will be great but great enough i hope to forget past mistakes, but why must i call it a mistake.. just to make myself feel like i'm not at fault, but i am. i lost him then he got lost in her. i want to give to this one all that he's given to me, i dont want to rob him of a piece of me. he deserves it all.
------
11-2-06
why is it when it gets colder
the stars shine brighter?
why when you feel you can finally handle things
the load gets lighter?
why does it rain on days most inconvenient for you?
why is it you say all the right things right when i dont want you to?
why is it things finally come around right when you're used to them being down and out?

totallly forgot i had an el jay. remembered today when i saw that mallory posted. update on life.
:[ highschool completely and entirely sucks.
:[ have a little bit of a clue on what im doing with life, but dont really like talking about the future...im seeing professional help because of it.
:] zach boggs is my boyfriend,bestfriend,soulmate you know the whole nine yards. i love him lots. we like to beat eachother up in our spare time and make each other laugh soo hard.
:] family lifes pretty okay.
:[ cell phone is currently not in my possession.
:] i love working at the texas roadhouse lots. the people there are soo nice and make me smile lots.
:] i just got back from virginia for an amaaazing ski trip. i heart skiing lots.
:] my madre likes zach. padre also.
:[ i miss my sister lots and all my friends from NC.
:] i've been writing cool music lately. because i have a muse again.
:] i'm on the phone with zach right now.. he makes me smile oh so much. ♥
:[ i've missed a week of school and have to go back soon.
:] i did most of my trig homework when i was gone though.
:] i love mallory jo reed lots and lots. she's doing really well in mock trial and im ohh so proud of her.
:[ i hate highschoool!


♥ i'll post some of my stuff i've written in here soon, but im gonna go to sleep now because zach made me super happy and super sleepy tonight, and i havent slept in my own bed in sooo long.

i got a new livejournal! this ones seriously staying.. because i am just kim ivey. k. bye. <3

wrote wednesday, november 15th.

Summer Time. (sucks)
you looked at me and smiled
and then it was all over
from that minute on we were together
you called out my name
i cant forget the sound
you claimed me as your own

summer time you were my heartbeat
summer time you were my sun
summer time thats all you'll ever
is that one summer time.

its like a breath of fresh air
with a dead cat shoved in your face
otherwise known as dan.
summertime heat, you're singeing off my hair,
and wont even allow me pure fresh air.

summer time you stole my innocence
summer time where have you gone
summer time you bring out the worst in me
remember all those one summer times.

theres that one summer time
where i fell in love with him
then the next where he left me for her.
then the following summer
i went through a hundred men
just to find one just like him.

summer time you fail me everytime
summer time i need you so
summer time its the only time i found love
now im stuck w/out a summer time.

i made this sunday, october 1st, 2006.


Fantasies are real. I am one.
beauty is all i see
nothing beneath the surface lies in me
because its lieing there with you
why cant i be near you too

i want you to see
that there is a light inside of me
i need you to be
able to live with me in my fantasy

i've lost a piece of me
i need you to cut off these shackles and set me free
reality is nothing i know.
my life is a stage, and you're just part of the show.

i want you to see
that there is a light inside of me
i need you to be
able to live with me in my fantasy
i need to be set free
prince charming where can you be
this life is not for me
smile at me, if you believe.
believe.
cause i believe in me.